By Andrew Coutermarsh
Reprinted with permission from the November 2003 issue of Identity Marketing.

I can't think of any combination of words that can strike such terror in the hearts of mortals as the leadline in this column.

Why is it that our stomachs knot up, our muscles tense and we tend to break out in a cold sweat when someone merely wants to provide some constructive criticism? The truth of the matter is that criticism is rarely constructive. Webster's second definition of criticize is, “To judge severely; censure”, and unfortunately, this is the definition that most of us carry with us.

The other problem with criticism is that the person providing it rarely has our welfare in mind. More often than not, it is an opportunity for the provider to unload all of his or her resentment, anger and unresolved issues over something that we may have done, often an act of little significance except that it happens to be the “final straw”.

Is there a distinct difference between criticism and feedback? From the experience of most, probably not. However, by definition there should be huge differences between the two. Webster's, again, says that “feedback” is A process whereby the results of action serve continually to modify further action. In other words, feedback is focused on results rather than intentions, on actions rather than personality, and is continuous (timely) rather than sporadic.

Put in personal terms, feedback should be provided to mirror how we are showing up for others. One of the purest forms of feedback would be a video or audio tape of ourselves. It is pure information - no judgment. Most of us look for feedback before we leave the house in the morning - in the form of a mirror. Again, this is pure information. There is no judgment in the reflection that our eyes are seeing - in the image we are receiving. We may put a spin on the information once received, but the information itself is pure. This is what feedback in the workplace should be.

At its best, feedback is neutral, neither positive nor negative. Feedback is given for positive or negative behavior or performance, but the feedback itself carries no value other than the transfer of information based on observed behavior and reactions.

Feedback is a way of helping another person to consider changing his/her behavior. It is communication to a person (or to a group) which gives that person information about how he/she affects production, staffing, morale, working relationships, etc.

Feedback helps an individual keep his/her behavior “on track” and thus, better achieve his/her goals. Properly provided, feedback should limit defensiveness and help to create an atmosphere of support and guidance for the individual. Effective feedback treats the employee as an adult and allows for the adult to choose whether or not to change his or her behavior based on how the individual judges his/her own results. Effective feedback requires that the provider act in an adult, non-judgmental manner.

By framing the feedback you are about to deliver in the context of “mirroring” for the individual, you allow that the individual's intent might be different than what the results would seem to indicate. By providing feedback, you are assisting the employee in narrowing the gap between what the employee intended and what actually resulted from the action or behavior. This is where we all need some help, especially where interpersonal skills are concerned.

How often have we said something that we thought was fairly innocuous, only to have the recipient react in such a manner that we knew that he or she was offended or hurt. Obviously, there is a huge gap between what we had intended and what actually resulted. We need to narrow that so we use the information (feedback) to modify the way that we will present to that person in the future.

When presenting feedback to a person, it's often helpful to preface the feedback with “I'm not sure what you had intended…” before your delivery. Or you can actually start a discussion with, “Perhaps you could tell me what you intended as an outcome when you...” This leaves a space for the employee to explain what was intended, to save face and to maintain one's own “need to be right”. This would then be followed by a description by you, of the actual results or reactions to the behavior in question.

While we have concentrated on helping the employee to narrow the gap between what the employee intended and what actually resulted, it is important for you, the feedback provider to check to ensure that the employees (receiver's) perception matches what you intended when you provided the feedback. This is best accomplished simply by asking the employee to explain back to you in his or her own words, what was understood.

Providing effective feedback requires some rules and also requires practice. As a manager or supervisor, you would do well to give feedback frequently and don't limit your feedback to just negative behavior or performance. Positive behavior requires feedback for reinforcement. Additionally, if you get into the habit of providing frequent feedback for both positive and negative behavior or performance, your employees will become more receptive as they begin to understand that you are providing the feedback to assist them in their respective jobs, and that feedback has become matter-of-fact.

Following are some suggestions for improving the overall effectiveness of the feedback that you provide:
1. It is descriptive (based on observation) rather than judgmental (based on feelings). By describing your own reactions, it leaves the person free to use the feedback as he/she sees fit (options/decisions). By avoiding judgmental language, the feedback reduces the need for the person to react defensively.

2. Feedback is specific rather than general (information). To be told that one is “dominating” will probably not be as useful as being told that, “Just now when we were deciding the issue, it appeared that you were not listening to what others said and I felt forced to accept your opinions or face attack from you.”

3. It takes into account the needs of both the receiver and giver of the feedback (compassionate). Feedback can be destructive when it serves only your needs and fails to consider the needs of the person on the receiving end.

4. It is directed toward behavior that the receiver can do something about (choice). Frustration is only increased when a person is reminded of some short-coming over which he/she has no control.

5. It is well-timed. In general, feedback is most useful at the earliest opportunity after the given behavior. (Depending, of course, on the person's readiness to hear it, available support from others, etc.)

6. It is checked to ensure clear communication. One way of doing this is to have the receiver try to rephrase the feedback he/she has received to see if it matches what the sender had in mind.

Feedback is a way of sharing useful information and providing choices. It is a tool for the manager who wants to improve performance or change the behavior of employees. It is also an aid for the person who wants to learn how well his/her behavior matches his/her intentions.

Andrew Coutermarsh has an MS in management from Antioch New England Graduate School where he is an adjunct professor teaching human resources development. He holds SPHR (Senior Professional Human Resources ) designation from the Society of Human Resource Management, and is director of human resources for Prime Resources Corp.