By Andrew Coutermarsh Reprinted with permission from the July 2001 issue of Identity Marketing

My mother had such love for children, having given birth to five of us, that she abhorred the word 'brat.' To her there was nothing that a child could do that deserved such a derogatory label attached to a young human being. Having parented three children to adulthood myself, I concur with my mother's sentiments. Regardless of the behavior that my children displayed, my job was not to name-call, but to acknowledge and teach. Eventually, my children grew to understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior in the adult world.

Unfortunately, there are those among us in the workplace whose behavior resembles that of little children. An old dictionary I have (one printed long before the present focus on children's self-esteem) defines brat as 'an objectionable child.' I would like to redefine the word to mean 'an adult who displays objectionable, inappropriate behavior.' When adults behave like undisciplined children, 'brat' becomes an apropos label.

Sadly, we are living in a time of bad behavior. Rudeness is not only accepted, it seems to be encouraged. The person who receives the cheers and applause is the one who has the immediate 'in-your-face' response. Angry outbursts have become part of the entitlement issue. People seem to feel they have the right to act out.

In short, 'attitude' is overtaking our organizations, not to mention our society at large.

Let's go down through the list of unacceptable, bratty behavior we have witnessed in the workplace. There are tears and tantrums, insults and other verbal assaults, general rudeness, bullying, whining (my particular favorite), the silent treatment and other forms of pouting or sulking, tattling and blaming, self-victimization, splitting (when the child doesn't like the answer from Dad, so he/she goes to Mom for a different one), manipulation, yada, yada, yada.

I'm sure that with little effort, almost anyone could add to this list. Suffice it to say that in the 30 years that I have been in the workforce, I have seen bad behavior become, if not the norm, progressively more widespread and commonplace.

What are the results of this behavior in the workplace?

Individuals who witness such behavior have their own, personal reactions of feeling intimidated, angry, appalled, embarrassed, confused, irritated, etc. If this kind of behavior is not addressed by management it can begin to affect employees' attitudes toward management. We all recognize inappropriate behavior when we see it. If it remains unchecked, confidence in and respect for management suffers drastically, thus eroding the overall credibility of the organization's leadership.

The response to this kind of behavior should be immediate, deliberate, direct, and consistent. A manager who witnesses an employee who is acting out should immediately take the person aside and deliver the following message: 'The incident that I just witnessed is inappropriate for the workplace and is totally unacceptable behavior. I cannot allow this kind of behavior to continue.'

At this point the manager should give the employee a few moments to reflect on the behavior and the delivered message. If the employee had been engaged in a display of temper (or tears), the manager might suggest that the employee take a few minutes as a 'time out' to pull him- or herself together and that the two meet at a specified time to discuss the situation.

In a private setting, the manager should explore with the employee any underlying reasons or explanations for the behavior. There may be personal problems outside the workplace, or work-related issues facing the employee that he or she is not ready or equipped to discuss.

Often, the employee has not been consciously aware (denial being such a useful coping mechanism) that anything is seriously bothering him or her. Give the person sufficient time to reflect on his or her work/life circumstances to determine if a problem truly exists.

Listen carefully to the employee. If there are personal issues outside the workplace, offer help through an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) or other referral sources. Human resource people often have extensive networks of helping professionals at their disposal. In no circumstances should a manager offer advice other than to suggest seeking professional help. The decision must be the employee's and the responsibility for resolving the issue must also belong to the employee.

When an employee identifies work-related issues as being the underlying reason for the behavior, the manager carefully should identify any concerns that could be addressed directly, and also identify any systemic problems that would require the assistance of other managers.

Workplace issues should be addressed as quickly as possible. If there is an issue that cannot be addressed for various reasons, the employee should be so informed. The manager could then explore various alternatives with the employee.

Regardless of the stated reasons for the behavior, the employee must be reminded of the original message: 'The behavior is unacceptable.'

The manager also should state clearly that whether or not the personal problem or work-related issue is addressed, the employee is responsible for his or her actions and behaviors, and that the expectation is for positive change. Workplace behavior is a performance issue and the bottom line is always performance. If unacceptable behavior does not change as a result of the intervention described above, then it must be addressed using a more traditional disciplinary approach.

Unfortunately, unacceptable behavior is often displayed by a manager. The response to a manager's unacceptable behavior should be no less immediate, direct, deliberate, or consistent.

The difference is that a manager's behavior may have to be addressed by a peer. While a peer will not have the authority to address the behavior from a performance standpoint, as another adult in the workplace, the peer has every right and obligation to provide the appropriate feedback to a colleague. An individual employee also has this right, but because of the possibility of misuse of authority, there is a power differential that makes confronting a supervisor or manager very risky.

If the peer counseling does not induce the necessary response, then the behavior should be brought to the attention of the senior manager who can address the situation as a performance issue.

I must, at this point, provide a commentary on basic human rights. All of us, as human beings, have the right to establish personal boundaries with respect to how we are treated by others. Even in the workplace, this right exists, recognized or not. We have the right to work in an environment free from hostility, intimidation, insult, and disrespect. We have the right to confront anyone, including our own managers, if their behavior threatens this right, without fear of retribution. We have the right to expect that our organizational leaders will protect this right and encourage the exercising of this right.

Our organizations are comprised of adult human beings. All of us must encourage adult behavior in others. The organizational costs of not addressing 'bratty' behavior are significantly high in terms of dissatisfaction, turnover, training, and decreased productivity. The human costs, in terms of self-esteem, self confidence, and general mental comfort are immeasurable.

Andrew Coutermarsh has an MS in management from Antioch University/Antioch New England Graduate School where he also is a member of the adjunct faculty, teaching human resource development and an advisor for student practicum projects. He holds SPHR (Senior Professional Human Resources) designation from the Certification Institute of the Society of Human Resource Management. He has spent the past 20+ years in the human resources profession and currently is director of human resources for Prime Resources Corp.